This time of the year is never an easy stretch for me. Just over a month ago would have been my father’s birthday, in 4 days it’ll mark the 18th anniversary of his death, and tomorrow is Father’s Day. Before you stop reading hoping to avoid sadness, this won’t all be bad. In my 23 very short years on this earth, I have learned to handle many things. I have learned how to lose with grace, win humbly, handle rejection, and how to develop deeply rooted friendships. One of the things I have yet to grasp fully is how to handle loss. You see, facing such a significant loss at such a young age almost desensitizes you to the effects it truly has. When you’re five years old, you don’t understand the magnitude of such an event. The worst part about losing your parent at such a young age is that the hurt only continues to magnify with every accomplishment, setback, or hardship.
My father missed my first day of kindergarten, however on that drive to school my thought wasn’t “I wish my dad was here” but “I hope these kids will like me”. When I moved to Monticello and began school at Oaklawn a similar thought crossed my mind, “I hope these new kids will like me”. My first little league baseball game in Monticello was met with hope and optimism not the thought of my father not being able to see me play. When I got my first kiss and had my first serious crush (S/O to Fallon) I wasn’t thinking “I wish my dad could give me advice”. You see it wasn’t until 7th grade that my first, “Holy Shit, my dad will never be here for any of this” really hit me.
I was making my debut as an offensive lineman for Roosevelt, mom was excited and as proud as can be. However, the night before I sobbed for hours because I knew no matter what he was going to miss this. When Roosevelt held their normal 8th grade graduation ceremony, I couldn’t help but fight tears because as I looked around at proud parents, my mom sat alone. I thought from that moment that things would be easier, I would learn to adjust and just know that he wasn’t there and never would be. That wasn’t the case though.
When I made the high school golf team, I wasn’t overcome with happiness but sadness because my father who loved to golf would never be able to show me how to properly hit a 5 iron. To be honest, aside from high school and college graduation, golf always caused the most misery for me. My freshman year, season all done and the only thing left was the banquet which has always been preceded by a father-son 9-hole scramble. I mean what kind of sick joke was that? For weeks, I struggled with what to do, whether to just show up for the banquet or ask a coach to stand-in. Luckily for me, my best friend’s father called me and offered to play.
Here is where things become a little happier. I have been lucky enough to be blessed with many father figures who have come into my life and served a role or provided some of that fatherly guidance I was never able to have. So here is to those guys, thank you for being there for me over the last 10+ years, through triumphs, hardships, and failures.
Bobby Ezra, thank you for stepping up to play as my stand-in father at all of those banquets, when I know you had a dozen other things you could be doing. Thank you for showing me love and support, you’ve played a great part in where I am today.
Danny Fry, thank you for being there as a friend and a role model. You’ve taught me how to laugh at yourself and how to stay positive no matter the farking situation. You also helped me curate creative curse words. Thank you for advice as I navigated college and all of the struggles that go along with it.
Gary Allen, thank you for teaching me how to work with a good attitude. Over the last 5 years, you have played a huge part in my life. Being there for support and as someone I know I can go to if I just need to get something off of my chest. Thank you for reiterating the speeches from my mother about work ethic.
Kyle Kline, thank you for being one hell of a guy since I’ve known you. You gave the fat kid with 1992 dunlops the benefit of the doubt when he tried out for golf. You helped me with many hurdles during my time in high school and college. You also taught me how to hit that 5 iron my dad was never able to. Thank you for the guidance, advice, friendship and the laughs.
Lastly, I want to say thank you to all of the children of these wonderful men who shared their fathers. While I still hold that my mother has been, is, and always will be the best double parent. Without these men, life would have been a lot more difficult and especially emptier. So here is to these men; Bobby, Danny, Gary, and Kyle. Thank you for everything you have done for me and taking on more than was ever required of you. Happy Father’s Day to the four of you, have a beer, play some golf, eat some pizza but I hope you have the greatest of days.
harrycdickson 